5 Bulan.

7 disember lepas genap 5 bulan bergelar bekas pelajar (kalau dikira dari tarikh last paper iaitu 7 julai lepas). dan maafkan ke-skema-an kata-kata.

dan beberapa hari lagi maka genaplah 5bulan gua terbebas dari rantai belenggu yang gua sendiri cipta. peh ape kejadahnya ayat macam ni.


satu perasaan berbunga wujud bilamana seorang lelaki dan seorang perempuan mula menunjukkan bibit-bibit malu dalam komunikasi sehari-harian mereka.

dan bertukar menjadi perasaan celaka bilamana perasaan malu tu mula diselang seli rasa cemburu.

lebih celaka bila kau tak mampu nak mengekang penyebab perasaan celaka itu sebab kau bukan siapa-siapa. kau tak letak apa-apa nama pada perasaan malu-malu terhadap the significant other.

5 bulan dan gua masih menipu diri sendiri yang gua dah moved on. hakikatnya, kebencian meluap-luap bilamana terlihat lelaki dan perempuan itu terang-terangan berkongsi senyum dalam satu bingkai gambar.

gua tak boleh cop sesiapa penipu. sedangkan gua yang tipu diri sendiri. gua yang acah-acah kental.

gua masih berdendam. gua masih berdendam dengan gadis lu.

gadis lu yang main cucuk-cucuk line masa gua masih ada harapan nak jadi gadis lu.

gadis lu yang temankan lu masa gua buat tak tahu sebab gua acah-acah cool.

gadis lu yang pernah mention nama gua dan tahu hati gua ada kat lu. dulu.

gadis lu yang layan gua baik gila kat depan gua tapi main tikam gua guna jarum-jarum halus.

gadis lu yang lu ucap terima kasih sebab ada masa lu down. celaka.

yang last tu paling celaka sebab masa lu down tu lu boleh je carik gua dulu.

walaupun kita ended everything secara berhemah, tapi gua tetap tak puas hati dengan kelaku lu yang pengecut. lu takut sangat nak mengaku kat gua yang lu pun layan cintan jugak dengan gadis lu tu dulu. lu saja nak torture gua dengan tayang momen-momen gembira dengan gadis lu lepas gua dengan lu buat closure.

wishing you happy? hahahaha.

gua belum move on.

Raya Haji Rage

Maka bercemperalah segala macam pantun raya korban.

Ada yang kata lembu tak lalu makan.

Ada yang cakap kambing buang tebiat start mandi air parit.

Ada yang sebut ayam mogok tak mau berkokok. Tapi apa kaitan ayam dengan perayaan korban?

Mak gua pun tak terlepas dari kerenah haiwan di dalam reban terbuka di belakang rumah. Memandangkan menu raya korban ni ialah mengorbankan nyawa itik untuk dibuat rendang, makan pagi2 tadi mak gua dah menyelinap masuk ke reban untuk menuntut nyawa itik2 tersebut.

Keganjilan perangai itik2 itu mula mak perhatikan sebab itik2 tu taknak menyudu kaki mak. Ceh, berakal pulak engko, ye?

Dan tahniah, mak. Mak berjaya buat marathon keliling reban lantaran itik2 tu main kejar2 dengan mak.

Dan tahniah, dari niat untuk menyembelih 4 ekor, hanya sekor yang tertewas di tangan mak. Siap kau itik. Esok try marathon dengan gua. Berani main2 dengan mak gua ye.

Pengorbanan

Jangan sembang pengorbanan dengan aku.

Because between me and you, I have walk in a pair of shoes of pengorbanan my whole life.

I cant deny rezeki Allah ada di mana-mana

But try to pounder this;

You travel 200km from home with RM100 in your pocket

You'll survive with a job that pays you monthly.

It does pay you in a great number, e.g RM5000

But in order to embrace that amount of money, you have to live with RM100 for the first month.

Here are the options of pengorbanan that you could do:

1. You could ask an advance from your provider, i.e your parents for your expenses on that month

2. You do a part-time job that pays you daily to ensure you could fill your stomach everyday.

The pengorbanan that you told me earlier is option number 1. Pengorbanan which is made by your parents.

Whereas, my definition of pengorbanan is option number 2. Me, myself and I alone have to bear the hardship. That is the real pengorbanan that we should be talking.

I rather stay low in my hometown, be helpful to my mother on daily basis, than being away from my family, acah-acah carik duit beribu riban but the truth is I am actually being a slave of money.

As for now, I wont look at the need of money is the main purpose of life. The true meaning of life is, to serve your family, your parents. And that is why I cant afford for being away from home anymore because I have an option not to do so. 

Until next year, dont ask me to look for a job far away from my hometown. Why next year? because at that moment, I am sure my parents pun dah bosan tengok muka aku yang jadi penganggur parasit kat rumah diorang. 

I'll stick to this attitude for now. I'll change later.

kbai,

Lady Driver

"Okey la kut tu bang. Dah masuk"

Hidayah mengutarakan pendapat bilamana abang Hidayah cuba mengemaskan kedudukan kereta yang diparking. Pendapat spontan Hidayah tu langsung tak dihiraukan.

"Tu la pompuan. Park asal dan je," eh eh eh. Dingin betul pendapat tu abang oi. I tak macam tu, okey. Hidayah sanggup keluar masuk kereta sebab park tak centre. Tapi most of the time, taklah macam tu sebab I memang terer bab parking.

Weeks later, I was about to exit a junction bilamana ada Saga FLX putih sedap park kereta kat tepi simpang. Takde otak ke cemana ntah, macam mana Hidayah yang nak keluar simpang ni nak ensure jalan clear bila dia dah block macam tu.

Tapi sebenarnya, isu taklah besar sangat sebab Hidayah memang dah masak dengan jalan tu. Tapi, attitude tu please la.

Hidayah sampai kat simpang tu, dan berhenti. Acah2 nak tengok kiri kanan bilamana driver Saga FLX putih tu keluar kereta. Jeng jeng jeng. Keluar dah.

Driver tu berjalan ke arah kereta Hidayah sebab dia nak melintas. Hidayah pun sepantas kilat roll down tingkap.

"Kak, akak park situ. Tak nampak nak keluar ni," Hidayah buat muka taknak senyum langsung.

Hakak tu pandang kereta dia. Then dia pandang Hidayah. Then dia pandang kiri, pandang kanan.

"Okey, clear. Jalanlah," Hakak tu jerit dari luar.

Hidayah geleng buat muka, geleng kepala sambil ucap terima kasih. Hidayah berdoa Saga FLX tu hilang lampu belakang kanan.

Betul kata abang. Perempuan park mana dan je.

A Friend of 10 Years

First Year:
You called me 'syiling terbakar'. How rude was that even though the truth was there. I got burnt (very tanned) skin as a result of walking home from school during mid day for many years since primary school. I hated you so much and always avoided to bump into you. I could slap you in the face if I had the guts to do so.

Second Year:
You always seek for my help in maths. I am not so good in maths either, but at least I passed in every exam, unlike you. One day I decided to ignore you when you came to me for maths because you annoyed me earlier, and you just grunted slowly and walked away. We hadn't talk since. For months.

Third Year:
We were falling apart after we made up at the end of second year. Couldn't figure out the reason. I started a new gang. And you did too.

Fourth Year:
I guessed you didn't know that I was transferred to another school because we barely spoke to each other. I only had the chance to swap momento with a friend of yours. I didn't have the chance to even say farewell to you. Surprisingly months after that, you regularly called and texted me every month. You were also transferring to another school.

Fifth Year:
The calls and texts keep on going regularly.

Sixth Year:
I started my part-time job and barely made time for myself. Once in a while you came to my workplace with a friend of yours to see me. Months later, we received offers from different institute to further study. Once again, we were falling apart.

Seventh Year:
I didn't know you. You didn't know me.

Eighth Year:
You found me. We made up again. But you were different. So did I.

Ninth Year:
We barely talk to each other.

Tenth Year:
Things get complicated. We often bumped into each other, but got pretty awkward to hold on a conversation. I got complicated, not you. I changed and become complicated. You just changed as we grow up.

of an A Grade and an Attitude

I was in semester 3 when my friends (Ejum and Fizah) and I was about struggling to enter an almost full elevator in our faculty. It was about 8.30 am. We made it into the elevator when our C++ lecturer Mrs Hasmila arrived at the elevator and tried to step in.

Unfortunately, the elevator was already full and not a single person could fit in it anymore. Mrs Hasmila lifted up her face and give a please-give-up-a-room-for-me look to the ones who were in front of the elevator's door. And from the middle of the elevator, I could see no one was willingly to give up their space by stepping out from the elevator to give to that poor lecturer because everybody, who were all of them are the students, was running out of time to go to their classes.

Mrs Hasmila was ignored by everybody when I gave Ejum and Fizah a look. A look to consider to give up our space for Mrs Hasmila. They got my hint. And I opened my mouth to ask an excuse from the people inside the elevator to jump out and they gave us the way out. I could sense a relief aura from everybody.

"Madam, masuklah," we said to Mrs Hasmila once we got out.

Mrs Hasmila looked at us in surprise, happy, touched and other mixed feelings that I could see in her face.

"Oh, thank you," she smiled and stepped in.

And you cannot tell the satisfaction of a very little favour that you do, do give a big impact to the one who receives the favour, as well as to your life.

At 10.30 am on the same day, we had our class with Mrs Hasmila. We got into the class about 5 minutes late. And Mrs Hasmila was already in the room but had not start the lecture yet.

"I want to tell you a story," Mrs Hasmila started as Ejum, Fizah and I settled down.

"This morning, I was late to punch my card. And when I got to the elevator, it was full. Suddenly, three students got out and let me in," Mrs Hasmila was talking while smiling. I did not pay attention to her because I knew she was describing this morning incident.

"I was very touched and surprised. I did not expect they would do that," she kept on telling her story.

"And you all want to know who are they? They are Hidayah, Haidzum and Fizah," she called out our names. I kept my head down when Aminah who sat next to me poked me and said "Patutlah kau taknak dengar cerita Madam eh." And I smiled.

"I'm giving them bonus points for their deed," Mrs Hasmila said something that we did not expect. The bonus points that she mentioned was originally to be given out if we done well in our assignments and quizzes throughout the classes, but she was very generous to grant it to us just because a little favour that we offered.

And when the results came out, I got an A for C++.

The biggest credit goes to our beloved BEL 403 lecturer, Prof Hasnah who indirectly taught us manners. She once told us the manners in the elevator such as DON'T TALK TOO LOUD as if only you and your friends are in the elevator, GIVE UP A ROOM especially to the elders. And yes, I remembered the advices when I faced the situation with Mrs Hasmila.

Please my friend, attitude can touch people's heart.

Cina Gila

Petang yang redup tu, Hidayah acah-acah tengah menjiwai watak gadis kampung yang dengan perwatakan ayunya mendukung anak buah yang gemuk berjalan-jalan keliling kampung.

sebenarnya bukanlah keliling kampung. setakat laman rumah je. dan lebih menarik lagi, Hidayah menggendong, yakni cara kurang sopan berbanding mendukung.

sedang tenang Hidayah mengendong anak buah yang gemuk tu, tetiba Hidayah disapa cina gila yang tinggal bertentangan dengan rumah Hidayah.

"Amoi. Ini budak lelaki ka perempuan?"

"Perempuan,"

"Haiya. Apesal tak mau beranak lelaki."

Hidayah dalam hati, acaner aku nak menjawab dengan cina ni. sekali kalau aku cakap pasal takdir Allah, lagi gila cina ni nanti.

"Dia tak mau jadi lelaki la. Dia mau jadi perempuan," okeylah kut jawab gitu. 

"Amoi tak mau kawen ka? Buat anak?"

Lagi sekali Hidayah mati akal dengan soalan standard critical thinking ni. cina ni ingat Hidayah bekas pelajar asasi undang-undang UiTM yang belajar critical thinking ke? Buat anak dia tanya.

"Saya muda lagi la," dalam hati Hidayah tengah battle biarpun riak muka Hidayah tenang menjawab soalan.

Siapa taknak kawen oi?

Suits

Hidayah, berlatar-belakangkan engine, bersemangatkan engine, dan mendokong perwatakan engine, betul2 pangkah, yakni menentang sekeras-kerasnya pemakaian suits.

Beberapa tahun jugaklah seorang Hidayah berpegang teguh kepada fahaman ini sejak berumur 16 tahun sebab masa tu mula berjinak-jinak dengan line engine sejak masuk sekolah teknik.

Sampailah ke zaman asasi kejuruteraan, semangat engine tu memang kental sampai rasa geli geleman tengok sahabat2 asasi undang-undang berpakaian like wow sangat ala-ala lawyer sedangkan seorang Hidayah hanya berseluar jeans, ber-tshirt dan kadang2 ber-cardigan dan selipar jamban (memang betul selipar bawak ke jamban aku bawak pegi kelas) as complement to the outfit dan yakin menapak ke kompleks kejuruteraan untuk menghadiri kelas tanpa rasa ragu akan ditahan polis bantuan kampus. dan memang tak pernah ditahan.

Sampailah ke zaman degree, tak terubah lagi pemakaian seorang Hidayah dan Hidayah amatlah bangga mengajar rakan-rakan lepasan matrik untuk berpakaian sepertinya. Semangat engine tu penting. Pakaian haruslah menunjukkan jiwa engine, selipar jamban tu memang watak utama seorang warga engine.

Sampailah Hidayah akhirnya ter-menghadiri seminar grooming bersama encik kamril. masa tu terkangkang-kangkang carik outfit formal. dalam seminar asyik kena boom bahawasanya budak engine paling selekeh di alam semesta. masa tu, oleh sebab jiwa engine tu sangat kental, rasa tercabar jugak dengan encik kamril yang kutuk kaw-kaw budak engine. rasa macam nak sneak out dekat bilik dia, tikam dia dengan pisau belit 15 kali. biar dia meninggal slow2 akibat bleeding. biar dia rasa bleeding hati Hidayah masa kena fire.

tak lama lepas seminar, Hidayah diberi hidayah untuk menonton serie How I Met Your Mother. budak bawah umur tak boleh tengok cerita ni sebab ada adegan yang tak selamat. in fact, kawan-kawan Hidayah pun fikir Hidayah tak patut layan cerita ni. apa diorang fikir Hidayah ni baik like innocent? silaplah tu. tapi Hidayah tak menikmati pun adegan tak siuman tu. sejujurnya Hidayah forwardkan bila adegan tak membina minda tu keluar. point di sini, Hidayah minat sangat dengan watak Barney Stinson yang sentiasa suits up.

Baru-baru ni, Hidayah mula layan cerita-cerita kat Diva CH702. Nak-nak cerita pasal lawyer. The Good Wife. tajuk dia wife, tapi banyak cerita pasal court sebab wife tu sebenarnya lawyer.

lain dari The Good Wife, serie Suits. yang ni paling awesome dalam dunia. semua suit up dalam serie ni. and watak yang paling menyerlah dah tentulah Harvey Reginald Specter. kenapalah harvey tu kapiaq. kalaulah dia seorang believer, senang pulak Hidayah tak teragak-agak nak idolize dia tinggi menggunung. 

pokoknya, serie2 sebegini yang merubah point of view Hidayah. sila bayangkan situasi Hidayah bukan berlatar belakangkan engine. Hidayah nak bayangkan, kalaulah budak engine yang pandai gila tu, dan kebanyakannya hensem-hensem belaka, suit up macam bebudak law. Humangai wa cakap sama lu der, bebudak course lain di muka bumi ni jadi belen je. tu baru bebudak yakni student, acer yang memang engineer pulak. menangis doktor-doktor kat spital tu sebab keterampilan diorang diganggugugat engineer.

dalam panjang2 celoteh Hidayah ni, kesimpulan dia,

SUIT UP.

After A Year

Assalamualaikum, hi.

After a year, i am gonna ask myself the same question again. Kenapa blog ni wujud lagi? Ada tujuan lain yang masih belum dicapai?

So.

Fourth year of engineering school went smooth. Got an A- for FYP1 and a B+ for FYP2. Nevertheless, i am unofficially graduated with some pointer. Yeah, you can presume it's not a first class degree, but hell yeah, it's an engineering degree. I have to emphasize.

Life could be sucks sometimes. And people who used to be your friends could treat you like a stranger at some points of life, especially when you're begging their help and they were like "Hell no."

Strangers with some memories.

After all these years, it's good to be home and take care about nothing but not to gain weight. I have not yet miss my engineering school so bad, but you can say i miss the routines already. Waking up, get dressed in 15 minutes and walked to class. Took notes, did some exercises, grabbed a lunch. And that was the end of an every day as a final student.

Long story short, gimme a job. Thanks.