Can A Love Unloves?

He finally left.

After all efforts I gave just to make him stay.

He finally left.

Not because there's no more love.

But because there's so much love.

He finally left.

Even it was not because of my foolishness.

But I feel like a fool to be punished this way.

He finally left.

Left me with all memories that floating in the air where we used to breath together.

Left me with all the things that kept in the place where we used to be together.

Left me with all the songs that used to be our everyday melody together.

Can a love unloves?

How it can be done when there's no mistakes made.

How it can be done when no hatred invloved?

It was all love all the time.

How do you unlove?

Teach me.

Love Means War

Assalamualaikum. Hi.

Been how long? 9 months? Should be in labour room for now.


"Hati ini bukan milikku lagi. Seribu tahun pun akan kunantikan kamu."


Lagu Yuna ni macam best bila dengar, tapi bila fikir guna logik akal, apa gila kau nak tunggu seribu tahun walaupun tu sekadar hiperbola.

Falling in love? The most beautiful thing you can actually experience. The feeling is subjective, depends on how people see love is.

Some people define love as ownership.

Some, love is letting go.

However is it, love is always a war.

A war between emotion and intelectual.

A war between the heart and the brain.

You wanna love unconditionally, but some voices in your head everything comes with terms and conditions like wtf.

In instant, love hurts. Either it hurts the ones who are falling in love, or the people around them.
Someone must be hurt when two people are in love. Think about it. You'll agree.

Nevertheless, cherish love. Life's too short to be sad, but too long to ever think that the rain won't come.

Seize the day. Love unconditionally. Forgive often. Don't take life for granted.

Nak jadi mukmin berjaya?

Ilmiah sikit post pepagi buta ni.

Sebenarnya teringat peristiwa tahun 2008, yakni hampir 8 tahun lepas. Phew, cukup lama gua dah tinggalkan alam persekolahan yang penuh ranjau berduri. Tett.

Gua ingat lagi, minggu tu minggu nak tasmik bacaan hafazan, dan kalau tak silap ayat hafazan yang jadi pilihan hati ustazah gua yang garang nak mampus tu (Alhamdulillah ustazah tu masih panjang umur dan disayangi ramai bekas anak murid, tak kurang jugak yang membenci tapi tu semua standard beb) ialah Surah Al-Mukminun, Ayat 1-11.

Gua takdehal kalau ustazah setakat nak tasmik ayat ni sebab ayat hafazan yang ni salah satu yang gua paling berkenan di samping surah Luqman (yang pasal Luqman bagi nasihat kat anak dia tu)

Hari yang bertuah tu, ustazah pun masuk ke kelas dengan muka membengis. Memang macam tu pun peel ustazah bila nak mengajar Quran dan Hadis. Kalau mengajar Akhlak Islamiyyah atau Sirah, muka dia rilek2 gitu je sambil bawak nota berbentuk mind map yang dah siap fotokopi untuk semua orang.

Sebaik ustazah settle down kat meja guru, dia dok belek-belek apa entah, gua pun langsung ke meja dia.

"Ustazah, saya cuti harini," gua bagitau dia tak teragak-agak. Takde niat langsung gua nak mintak tangguh giliran tasmik ke apa.

Ustazah angkat muka, tengok gua dengan muka bengis dia. konfem dalam hati dia kata 'Nak ngelat la tu. Ingat aku tak tahu..'

"Okey, awak duduk depan saya ni, tulis semula ayat hafazan tu," ustazah reply dengan tegas.

"Okey ustazah!" gua konfem dia terkejut dengan jawapan gua yang tak didahulukan dengan sebarang dolak-dalik.

Gua tarik kerusi depan dia, ambik pen dengan kertas, gua mula tulis satu-satu huruf.

Sambil-sambil tu ustazah panggil sorang-sorang yang lain untuk tasmik. Kekadang dengar dia betulkan bacaan orang.

Dalam 15 minit gua terkial-kial jugak nak mengingat baris-baris dalam ayat tu. Kalau salah tulis, mampus keras gua kena tiaw dengan ustazah kat depan kelas tu.

Selesai tulis, gua hand over kertas tu kat ustazah. Dia takde banyak cerita, ambik, baca. Pastu suruh gua duduk tempat aku balik.

Tak perfect apa yang gua tulis, gua tahu. Tapi gua seriously terkilan tak dapat tasmik depan ustazah ayat tu.

Kenapa best sangat ayat ni? Sebab dia ajar gua (dan semua orang la sepatutnya) ciri-ciri mukmin yang berjaya. Sentap beb bila terang-terang Allah dah bagitau macam mana nak jadi mukmin berjaya dalam Al-Quran, tinggal kita nak ikut tak ikut je la.

Ciri-ciri Mukmin Berjaya (7)

1. Khusyuk dalam Solat
2. Meninggalkan Perkara Lagha (Sia-sia)
3. Membayar Zakat
4. Menjaga Kemaluan (Maruah)
5. Mengotakan Janji
6. Menunaikan Amanah
7. Memelihara Solat

Last but not least, berita gembira untuk Mukmin-mukmin yang Berjaya, mereka akan mewarisi syurga firdausi, dan mereka akan kekal di dalamnya.

Bukan gua kata.

Allah kata.

Setahun jugak gua tinggalkan lapangan ni.

Berita terakhir gua kongsi pasal celakanya seorang lelaki.

Kali ni pun macam serasa nak kongsi pasal celakanya seorang lagi lelaki, tapi itu semua negative vibe yang gua kena cegah dan buang jauh-jauh dari pemikiran.

BTW, gua dah lama gila move on dari cerita celaka sebelum ni. Dan gua tengah menikmati drama sinetron lelaki dan gadis tu. Gua harap diorang nikah cepat untuk elakkan gua mengumpul dosa bergembira atas kegoyahan hubungan orang lain. Kalau lu orang tak jadi kahwin, gualah orang yang paling kuat menganjing. Gua janji.

Gua dah kerja (YEAY!)

Almost setahun actually.

Di JB.

Gua rasa, gua je satu-satunya manusia yang bila ditanya "How's work?" dan jawapan yang gua bagi "BEST!" sambil senyum lebar nak mampus.

Yep, gua cukup enjoy first job gua sebagai junior exec.

Tipu beb kalau kata kerja gua tak ada pasang surut. Mestilah ada saat-saat gua throw tantrum dengan boss dan kawan-kawan sekerja sampaikan kawan-kawan sekerja menyesal bagi first impression yang baik terhadaap gua.

Tipu la kalau gua tak pernah rasa fedup dengan kerja yang berulang-ulang, dikejar production, ditempik, diperli maut, dan segala macam di- lagi.

Tipu la kalau gua tak ada kawan-kawan sekerja yang annoying nak mampus, yang lelaki perangai macam perempuan datang bulan, yang perempuan perangai hari-hari meroyan.

Tipu la kalau gua kata boss gua the best in the world tapi gua akui boss gua gentleman tapi itu cerita lain.

Tapi satu faktor yang membuatkan gua bertahan:

Gua ada pencetus semangat di tempat kerja.

Kbai.

5 Bulan.

7 disember lepas genap 5 bulan bergelar bekas pelajar (kalau dikira dari tarikh last paper iaitu 7 julai lepas). dan maafkan ke-skema-an kata-kata.

dan beberapa hari lagi maka genaplah 5bulan gua terbebas dari rantai belenggu yang gua sendiri cipta. peh ape kejadahnya ayat macam ni.


satu perasaan berbunga wujud bilamana seorang lelaki dan seorang perempuan mula menunjukkan bibit-bibit malu dalam komunikasi sehari-harian mereka.

dan bertukar menjadi perasaan celaka bilamana perasaan malu tu mula diselang seli rasa cemburu.

lebih celaka bila kau tak mampu nak mengekang penyebab perasaan celaka itu sebab kau bukan siapa-siapa. kau tak letak apa-apa nama pada perasaan malu-malu terhadap the significant other.

5 bulan dan gua masih menipu diri sendiri yang gua dah moved on. hakikatnya, kebencian meluap-luap bilamana terlihat lelaki dan perempuan itu terang-terangan berkongsi senyum dalam satu bingkai gambar.

gua tak boleh cop sesiapa penipu. sedangkan gua yang tipu diri sendiri. gua yang acah-acah kental.

gua masih berdendam. gua masih berdendam dengan gadis lu.

gadis lu yang main cucuk-cucuk line masa gua masih ada harapan nak jadi gadis lu.

gadis lu yang temankan lu masa gua buat tak tahu sebab gua acah-acah cool.

gadis lu yang pernah mention nama gua dan tahu hati gua ada kat lu. dulu.

gadis lu yang layan gua baik gila kat depan gua tapi main tikam gua guna jarum-jarum halus.

gadis lu yang lu ucap terima kasih sebab ada masa lu down. celaka.

yang last tu paling celaka sebab masa lu down tu lu boleh je carik gua dulu.

walaupun kita ended everything secara berhemah, tapi gua tetap tak puas hati dengan kelaku lu yang pengecut. lu takut sangat nak mengaku kat gua yang lu pun layan cintan jugak dengan gadis lu tu dulu. lu saja nak torture gua dengan tayang momen-momen gembira dengan gadis lu lepas gua dengan lu buat closure.

wishing you happy? hahahaha.

gua belum move on.

Raya Haji Rage

Maka bercemperalah segala macam pantun raya korban.

Ada yang kata lembu tak lalu makan.

Ada yang cakap kambing buang tebiat start mandi air parit.

Ada yang sebut ayam mogok tak mau berkokok. Tapi apa kaitan ayam dengan perayaan korban?

Mak gua pun tak terlepas dari kerenah haiwan di dalam reban terbuka di belakang rumah. Memandangkan menu raya korban ni ialah mengorbankan nyawa itik untuk dibuat rendang, makan pagi2 tadi mak gua dah menyelinap masuk ke reban untuk menuntut nyawa itik2 tersebut.

Keganjilan perangai itik2 itu mula mak perhatikan sebab itik2 tu taknak menyudu kaki mak. Ceh, berakal pulak engko, ye?

Dan tahniah, mak. Mak berjaya buat marathon keliling reban lantaran itik2 tu main kejar2 dengan mak.

Dan tahniah, dari niat untuk menyembelih 4 ekor, hanya sekor yang tertewas di tangan mak. Siap kau itik. Esok try marathon dengan gua. Berani main2 dengan mak gua ye.

Pengorbanan

Jangan sembang pengorbanan dengan aku.

Because between me and you, I have walk in a pair of shoes of pengorbanan my whole life.

I cant deny rezeki Allah ada di mana-mana

But try to pounder this;

You travel 200km from home with RM100 in your pocket

You'll survive with a job that pays you monthly.

It does pay you in a great number, e.g RM5000

But in order to embrace that amount of money, you have to live with RM100 for the first month.

Here are the options of pengorbanan that you could do:

1. You could ask an advance from your provider, i.e your parents for your expenses on that month

2. You do a part-time job that pays you daily to ensure you could fill your stomach everyday.

The pengorbanan that you told me earlier is option number 1. Pengorbanan which is made by your parents.

Whereas, my definition of pengorbanan is option number 2. Me, myself and I alone have to bear the hardship. That is the real pengorbanan that we should be talking.

I rather stay low in my hometown, be helpful to my mother on daily basis, than being away from my family, acah-acah carik duit beribu riban but the truth is I am actually being a slave of money.

As for now, I wont look at the need of money is the main purpose of life. The true meaning of life is, to serve your family, your parents. And that is why I cant afford for being away from home anymore because I have an option not to do so. 

Until next year, dont ask me to look for a job far away from my hometown. Why next year? because at that moment, I am sure my parents pun dah bosan tengok muka aku yang jadi penganggur parasit kat rumah diorang. 

I'll stick to this attitude for now. I'll change later.

kbai,

Lady Driver

"Okey la kut tu bang. Dah masuk"

Hidayah mengutarakan pendapat bilamana abang Hidayah cuba mengemaskan kedudukan kereta yang diparking. Pendapat spontan Hidayah tu langsung tak dihiraukan.

"Tu la pompuan. Park asal dan je," eh eh eh. Dingin betul pendapat tu abang oi. I tak macam tu, okey. Hidayah sanggup keluar masuk kereta sebab park tak centre. Tapi most of the time, taklah macam tu sebab I memang terer bab parking.

Weeks later, I was about to exit a junction bilamana ada Saga FLX putih sedap park kereta kat tepi simpang. Takde otak ke cemana ntah, macam mana Hidayah yang nak keluar simpang ni nak ensure jalan clear bila dia dah block macam tu.

Tapi sebenarnya, isu taklah besar sangat sebab Hidayah memang dah masak dengan jalan tu. Tapi, attitude tu please la.

Hidayah sampai kat simpang tu, dan berhenti. Acah2 nak tengok kiri kanan bilamana driver Saga FLX putih tu keluar kereta. Jeng jeng jeng. Keluar dah.

Driver tu berjalan ke arah kereta Hidayah sebab dia nak melintas. Hidayah pun sepantas kilat roll down tingkap.

"Kak, akak park situ. Tak nampak nak keluar ni," Hidayah buat muka taknak senyum langsung.

Hakak tu pandang kereta dia. Then dia pandang Hidayah. Then dia pandang kiri, pandang kanan.

"Okey, clear. Jalanlah," Hakak tu jerit dari luar.

Hidayah geleng buat muka, geleng kepala sambil ucap terima kasih. Hidayah berdoa Saga FLX tu hilang lampu belakang kanan.

Betul kata abang. Perempuan park mana dan je.

A Friend of 10 Years

First Year:
You called me 'syiling terbakar'. How rude was that even though the truth was there. I got burnt (very tanned) skin as a result of walking home from school during mid day for many years since primary school. I hated you so much and always avoided to bump into you. I could slap you in the face if I had the guts to do so.

Second Year:
You always seek for my help in maths. I am not so good in maths either, but at least I passed in every exam, unlike you. One day I decided to ignore you when you came to me for maths because you annoyed me earlier, and you just grunted slowly and walked away. We hadn't talk since. For months.

Third Year:
We were falling apart after we made up at the end of second year. Couldn't figure out the reason. I started a new gang. And you did too.

Fourth Year:
I guessed you didn't know that I was transferred to another school because we barely spoke to each other. I only had the chance to swap momento with a friend of yours. I didn't have the chance to even say farewell to you. Surprisingly months after that, you regularly called and texted me every month. You were also transferring to another school.

Fifth Year:
The calls and texts keep on going regularly.

Sixth Year:
I started my part-time job and barely made time for myself. Once in a while you came to my workplace with a friend of yours to see me. Months later, we received offers from different institute to further study. Once again, we were falling apart.

Seventh Year:
I didn't know you. You didn't know me.

Eighth Year:
You found me. We made up again. But you were different. So did I.

Ninth Year:
We barely talk to each other.

Tenth Year:
Things get complicated. We often bumped into each other, but got pretty awkward to hold on a conversation. I got complicated, not you. I changed and become complicated. You just changed as we grow up.

of an A Grade and an Attitude

I was in semester 3 when my friends (Ejum and Fizah) and I was about struggling to enter an almost full elevator in our faculty. It was about 8.30 am. We made it into the elevator when our C++ lecturer Mrs Hasmila arrived at the elevator and tried to step in.

Unfortunately, the elevator was already full and not a single person could fit in it anymore. Mrs Hasmila lifted up her face and give a please-give-up-a-room-for-me look to the ones who were in front of the elevator's door. And from the middle of the elevator, I could see no one was willingly to give up their space by stepping out from the elevator to give to that poor lecturer because everybody, who were all of them are the students, was running out of time to go to their classes.

Mrs Hasmila was ignored by everybody when I gave Ejum and Fizah a look. A look to consider to give up our space for Mrs Hasmila. They got my hint. And I opened my mouth to ask an excuse from the people inside the elevator to jump out and they gave us the way out. I could sense a relief aura from everybody.

"Madam, masuklah," we said to Mrs Hasmila once we got out.

Mrs Hasmila looked at us in surprise, happy, touched and other mixed feelings that I could see in her face.

"Oh, thank you," she smiled and stepped in.

And you cannot tell the satisfaction of a very little favour that you do, do give a big impact to the one who receives the favour, as well as to your life.

At 10.30 am on the same day, we had our class with Mrs Hasmila. We got into the class about 5 minutes late. And Mrs Hasmila was already in the room but had not start the lecture yet.

"I want to tell you a story," Mrs Hasmila started as Ejum, Fizah and I settled down.

"This morning, I was late to punch my card. And when I got to the elevator, it was full. Suddenly, three students got out and let me in," Mrs Hasmila was talking while smiling. I did not pay attention to her because I knew she was describing this morning incident.

"I was very touched and surprised. I did not expect they would do that," she kept on telling her story.

"And you all want to know who are they? They are Hidayah, Haidzum and Fizah," she called out our names. I kept my head down when Aminah who sat next to me poked me and said "Patutlah kau taknak dengar cerita Madam eh." And I smiled.

"I'm giving them bonus points for their deed," Mrs Hasmila said something that we did not expect. The bonus points that she mentioned was originally to be given out if we done well in our assignments and quizzes throughout the classes, but she was very generous to grant it to us just because a little favour that we offered.

And when the results came out, I got an A for C++.

The biggest credit goes to our beloved BEL 403 lecturer, Prof Hasnah who indirectly taught us manners. She once told us the manners in the elevator such as DON'T TALK TOO LOUD as if only you and your friends are in the elevator, GIVE UP A ROOM especially to the elders. And yes, I remembered the advices when I faced the situation with Mrs Hasmila.

Please my friend, attitude can touch people's heart.